| | Interesting. 4:08am and unable to sleep. Usually i have somthing in my mind that i cant work out, so i need to jot my thoughts down on somthing. I was going through my friends pictures and wondered, where are pictures of me! I need to get a digital camera. Although i have been going out alot, socially i havnt been really "out there" with my social groups. Looking at my friends pictures i can see they have been on alot of adventures, travels, moments together. I also have experienced alot of that too, but not recorded for my my future reflections. Mostly, instead of memories i have lessons - and ways i can better evlove myself into a better human being, not that im retarded - but i allways try to exceed an expectation, or develope a higher state of mind. Frankly, ive been wasting away at online gaming traced back to 2005- and i offically quit of Summer 2007, but really if you count ragnarok it must have been 2003-2007. Id like to say ive been there and done that thanks to world of warcraft. I realized that my friends have graduated college. Somthing i learned now is that, not instead questioning my proformance academicly but what do i really want to acomplish in life. For one, is most important of all is allways upgrading my mind , my body , my spirt. In this world, its not enough, im 23 now, next year 24, year after that is the 25th - and my xanga allways seems to document everything.
My mind needs to actively be challanged and complete what i make it do. Games, allways provide that challange for me - im allways quite competative with myself and friends. Im going to put that energy into my life now moreover my future, i know that if i want to be happy. The older i get the less girls are into clubing / party / hanging out. The more having a future , life goals, where do you see yourself in 5years becomes more attractive. Im proud to say ive been done with those party airheady type girls, been there done that i had my fill. Really, its a great chance for the those ladies to let-loose for once in their lives and really explore themselves as growing individuals. I no longer want to be apart of playing the role of the arogant / all fun - drinking self indulgence kind of guy that takes advantage of that type of girl. I rather be that good man, the man that knows his shit, not afraid of his shit, undaunted by life.
I could have graduated easy (after ragnarok), but also i wouldnt have learned the the wisdom that comes from personal experience. Ragnarok really killed, me, but with world of warcraft i really knew from that game what kind of person i have become. I can allways learn intelligence in school, but wisdom cant be found in a book. I think of wisdom as, people seeking your influence and looking at life with a new perspective as being intelligent is to be, with the understanding of the dynamics of how our world works. Really retarded ways of defineing the actual meaning but hauy fuck you. I would rather be a person that can make some difference in this world. I know allready my presence allready has a inpact in my friends. I love making people happy i think i have a natural talent for that - i hope i can convay that energy into somthing useful, pratical. I know i would not be happy to work a 9-5job after i graduated college. (ironically i work 8-6 4days aweek) I know i have a talent for somthing, and thats people. I rather people know me and the work i do, instead of the work my company does. Although, i do want to go into an design/art career because i know its a stable way for me to support my family in the future - but if i can make it big from whatever work im doing, i hope i can get that goal. If im geting into a serious long term relationship and i feel that im ready for marriage, i want to make sure i can support my family for many years to come.
I really havnt gone towards the direction of graduating so i can have a future for my loved one in hopes of starting a family. To be honest i havnt been that far yet to understand the importances of that. I know, if i was in a very serious serious relationship - i know i would have to move my ass to get ready for somthing long-term in decades. Knowing that now, but not during my relationship with my ex. I need to take the full advantage of my youth in hopes of fullfiling my inpirations of being that single person that inspires / entertains or whatever, in my lifetime. I think im going somewhere with my art, i get crazy good positive feedback.. im afraid to quit my job and school to chase this. Plus i need to finish school, so i can at least have somthing to fall back on in my future. I need to keep my job because the older i get, the more income i need to make to survive. I cant pass up a 800$ check.
My best friend and i discussed. My relationship with my ex, ended with because of world of warcraft. World of warcraft, did not allow me to see into the future - the most important future of where we will be in 5years? My ex was expecting more of me but i did not have the wisdom to full understand what she really wanted out of our relationship. She really wanted to go the distance with me, allmost talked of marriage. Things were going good, she was moving foward - and i wasnt moving at all. Basicly, i learned all the mistakes i made to have a full-filling and lasting relationship with someone. Its all so ovious now. I dont want to go into detail, but i know my ex is really hurt of my stupidity. She doesnt show it, but i know shes really disapointed in me - she loved me and that deserves a underline. I know im a great and caring guy - but what have i overlooked that makes a relationship like that florish? Its knowing, that you both can have a stable future together. And theres nothing stable about 8/8 teir5 gear lvl70 warrior on world of warcraft. I need to be lvl 70 in real-life, right now i feel im only lvl 23, with only a few green equipment. I know were to quest now, i know what zones will give me the most exp gain. A girl can only quest for you so long in the same zones, if your not ready to move up into higher lvl zones shes gonna leave you for another lvl70 warrior with better eq and willing to share loot and exp wtf. I really am truely sorry our relationship didnt work out, although it was unhealthy for me - a man said it best.
Do you want to be right? or do you want to be happy? It was only unhealthy because i wasnt able to do what kept my mind wanted to do, instead i was blinded by love and unable to look into the future. It took that painful breakup that i could learn from my mistakes and make me a better individual plus a better lover. I would never been able to learn what i have learned unless we broke up - its like a slap to the face "hua what, what happend" first responce is the confusion, then trying to make it up, then the anger, then the licking of the wounds, moving on. Then realizing how much better off you are. She said to me once, if we ever breakup lets be friends - date around - and if it turns out that we did not find what we were looking for we can come back to our old relationship and try it seriously. I think ill be a better man at the time with a brighter future. Im not sure that she will changer her mind now how much she thinks of me as an ass lol.
I have alot to look foward to this coming year, i never felt this good about what i wanted in a long time. To be at that point in my life that wants me to move into that higher level zone feels great. What will give me the greatest joy is having another long term relationship, this time, im gonna level up my skills so i can have a brighter future. I need to be attractive in everyway possible because im the badass alpha male remember? I know if i keep on my goals and think of my future, im irresistable baby yeah. Im not a chicken chaser(chicks), i only go for quaility females. I know my time is vaulable, any girl that gets my time is an honor. The only time i have free is sleeping, and staying up sacerficing sleep. Oh and sundays i dub that lazy day. I am a chimp hear me rawar!! *meow*
fuck you im OUT PEACE=)
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| | Posted 12/19/2007 5:03 AM - 11 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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